I have just returned from a foreign business trip, not too dissimilar from the type I do every month but unlike every other time I return home this time I had a really heavy heart. You see I have decided, after years of patriotic South African support, to pack up and relocate my family elsewhere.
I wish I could cite a specific reason or a particular Malema-ism but no, it wasn't that at all. In my life and in my own little way I have gone about trying to be normal in an abnormal society. I’ve engaged fellow South Africans and wept when we just lose it and whooped with joy when it works. I participate at all levels of society and can look myself in the mirror and call myself a new South African. I have argued hard for tolerance and an inclusive society.
And this is where the heavy-heart bit comes in because it’s not a question at all of whether I love SA - because I do - but more a question of whether SA loves me.
And the more I look around me and armed with the blessing of perspective from much travelling, I realise that SA simply does not want me.
So what do I do - stay in my beloved homeland and bring up my boys in a society where opportunities are denied them because they will forever be made to pay over the odds for the burden of guilt? Apartheid was never right and it is long dead thankfully but that dead horse cannot be flogged forever, surely?
Ongoing and repeated rape of our country by those in power has to end sometime, surely? The lives of poor and marginalised South Africans cannot continue to get worse and worse while greedy fat cats milk it, surely? The cynical dumbing down of this nations integrity and moral fibre and the steady decline in international perception should cease, surely? The daily persecution of South Africans is just a passing phase, surely? Alas no. No to all the above.
Whether it’s by a panga wielding madman or BEE or the growing clamour among ordinary folk - we are being ushered to the exit and to make everyone happier, perhaps we must just go quietly.
I will gladly stay and take on the fight but my children deserve more, they deserve a chance in a society where everyone is accepted and everyone is wanted and where merit decides your fate. They deserve to live in a society where there is accountability and there is responsibility and there is integrity and above all where there is love.
I have the means to move almost anywhere and my fervent wish would be to move to a NEW New South Africa, but alas I think it will be stillborn in the decaying corpse of the OLD New South Africa.
So where to?