Saturday, 19 August 2006

A Letter to my Daughter

Tracey , it has been over six months since I last saw you. I often speak to you and about you. Did you know that there is no words for a parent who has lost a child? Any other death - the people left behind are either widows, widowers, orphans etc but for a parent their is no new name for them.

We still do not know how you died. We still do not know who killed you or why.

I fetched your car last month. Up until now I have been unable to deal with it. You loved your car and it was you - I drove down the road and had to stop. I hated your car at that moment - Were you dead in the seat I was sitting in? Where you raped on the back seat? The car cannot tell me and it seems like nobody else can.

I often worry about you having still been alive when you were dumped in the mielie field. Why did your friends not let me know you did not come home that night - or was one of them with you?

I am sorry we could not lay you to rest but had to bring in a private pathologist. I realise you hated exposing any part of your body to other people (even though you were beautiful). You would have liked Dr Klepp - she is an amazing person. She has tried to help me to the best of her ability in finding out how you died. I know you had a rope around your neck and your hands had been tied - but it seems like you were not strangled.

I hope you would have approved of me bringing in a Private Investigator. I believe you would have liked Declan as well. He has gone above and beyond what I expected from him in trying to find out how you were killed.

Tracey - maybe one day I will know how and when you died. The nine days you were missing was a living hell for all your family and friends. Did you know how much you were loved - even I as your mother did not realise how much some of your friends and your brother loved you.

It is amazing how quiet the house is without you. We will never be able to fill the void your murder has left. We are trying to make a new life - but it is not easy.

Tracey, for as long as I have the strength I will not stop trying to find out how you died. I do not want revenge - as your killer has parents who love their child and will suffer knowing what their child has done. I would like to know who killed you, but I do not want to see him - as this will humanize him - Whoever did this to you is not human and to call him an animal is an insult to animals that kill for food not pleasure. I do not believe I will ever forgive as too many people are suffering from your murder.

We all love and miss you - but you have been taken from us forever. The one thought I hold on to is that no one can ever hurt you again. I will never stop loving you. Be at peace.

Source:Moggiedog's blog

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